Confessions of the Other Sister
Dedication
To Steve Troha, my friend through the good, the bad, and the
ill-advised. Here’s to you with all my love and gratitude.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Acknowledgments
P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . . *
About the Author
Read On
Praise for Confessions of the Other Sister
Also by Beth Harbison
Copyright
About the Publisher
Prologue
Eighteen Years Ago, Halloween Night
What is that costume supposed to be?” Frances Turner looked at her younger sister, Crosby, in confusion, as she had done so many times in the past. “Are you Britney Spears or something? A little cold for a belly shirt, isn’t it? Mom’s going to tell you to change.”
“They already went to the hotel, so no, she’s not. And I’m a ghost,” Crosby said, crossing her arms in front of her bare midriff. “The ghost of me. This is—this is what I died in. Obviously.” She splayed her arms, displaying naturally tight abs and a body that actually did resemble Britney’s. So did her long blond hair, which she’d used a waving iron on.
“Good thing I didn’t take that trip to Mexico like the rest of you or I wouldn’t be pale enough to pull it off,” she went on, reminding Frances of the guilt she’d felt when Crosby learned the theater group was going on this exotic trip and she wasn’t allowed to tag along. “Looks like a win for me after all.”
What she didn’t know was that Frances had actually gone so far as to float the idea with the others, wanting to make her little sister happy and give her the same cool experience she was going to have, but no one wanted a fourteen-year-old freshman to come after they’d worked to earn it themselves as seniors.
“You’re not in theater,” Frances snapped, overly defensive from having fought this fight for so long. “You know we worked for that trip. We did car washes, bake sales”—she counted these off on her fingers—“babysitting, cutting grass, bulk recycling—”
“Calm down, you’re going to expose yourself.” Crosby gestured toward her chest. “What are you, the little match girl?”
Frances shifted her bustier back in place. It was too big and kept slipping down. “And you know I’m not the little match girl, I’m Éponine!”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“From Les Misérables! She is the clever, beautiful, doomed girl of the streets who does nothing but love unconditionally and die tragically and alone with only the kiss of her pitying love!”
Crosby paused, giving Frances the fleeting hope she’d gotten through. “Well, I guess I don’t need to watch it, then.”
“Watch it? You never would have anyway, the only way to see it is as a show.”
“A show? Like on TV?”
“A play.”
“Okay, so a play.” Crosby rolled her eyes. “Forget it, then. I cannot stand plays. So boring.”
“Great. Fantastic. I’m so glad you’re here for all my friends who do shows, then.”
“Stop calling them shows, oh my God.”
“That’s what they’re called!”
“That’s not what they’re called! No one calls them that except you theater people!”
“That’s what everyone calls them!”
“Your everyone is not big everyone—your everyone is in there.” Crosby gestured to the other room.
“Well, where is your everyone, then?”
“Excuse me?”
“You have no friends.” Frances laughed. “That’s why you’re always trying to glom onto mine.”
“I do have friends,” said Crosby, fighting back emotion.
“You do not. You are always in your room. Even your boyfriend isn’t here.”
“He’s coming.”
“Oh, please. Benjamin is a senior, he just thought he could get into your pants easily. Which I hope he didn’t. He’ll get bored and dump you and then where will you be? Sorry, I’m not trying to be a bitchy older sister here—”
“No, you are, you’re just not trying to be my bitchy older sister, you’re being some character right now. You’re always being some character or other. The whole world is a play to you.”
Frances rolled her eyes. “I am not being—ugh, stop, can you, why are you always interrupting me?”
“Because you monologue.”
“I was talking for literally two seconds.”
“You were not, we’ve been—look, I’ve almost finished my soda, and it was completely full when we started talking, or when you started talking.”
Frances shook her head, eyes shut. “You are so difficult.”
This sobered an already sober Crosby. She reached for the bucket on the nylon-tableclothed foldout table beside them, grabbed a Miller Lite, and cracked it. “Maybe I just need to loosen up, huh? Maybe that’s what you and Benjamin both want me to do.”
“Oh, good, now you’re drinking,” said Frances.
“Oh, good, now you’re drinking,” imitated Crosby.
“Wow, really good. Maybe you should be the actress.”
“Maybe I am!” said Crosby.
“Right. Whatever.” Frances paused, regrouped, and said, “I’m just saying, please just try not to embarrass me.” She glanced pointedly at the gold-and-blue can in Crosby’s hand.
“Seasons of Love” started up on the stereo.
Crosby let out a genuine ugh.
“See, like, why do you have to always act so . . .” Frances looked her over pointedly. “Do you think this is cool, being so bored by everything in front of people?”
“How could it be cool?” asked Crosby. “I don’t have any friends.”
Frances groaned. “You’re really going to get stuck on that. Like it isn’t obvious.”
“I mean, yeah, since, like, I guess I didn’t sign up for a club in order to find them.”
“Are you talking about theater? It’s a class, not a club. At least I’m a lot more social than you, always alone, in your head, reading or writing.” Frances put her hands on her hips and her bustier loosened a bit, gaping a little too much.
“You better hope I don’t write a book that becomes a movie someday because I will tell them not to put you in it.”
“Ouch.” Frances gathered herself, trying not to continue this argument. “Listen. Please. For once, don’t embarrass me in front of my friends.”
“Me? Embarrass you? That’s perfect coming from the girl who looks like Marie Antoinette after being hit by a car. Sorry, carriage.”
“It’s a Halloween party.”
There were voices then; another group of Frances’s friends had arrived and were coming down the stairs to join them in the rec r
oom. Joey, Robbie, and Lisa were the first down.
“Éponine!” Joey cried upon seeing Frances. He was dressed as a Newsie. “Perfect!”
Robbie, dressed as a mime, did a chef’s kiss and a deep bow.
“Thank you,” Frances said, feeling Crosby’s judgment radiating from her like heat.
Lisa gave her a quick hug, then said to Crosby, “Are you Britney tonight?”
“Yeah!” She smiled.
“La Vie Bohème” came on. “Oh, I love this song,” said Frances, turning from her sister and folding into her friends. They laughed and began to sing along.
Crosby finished the rest of her beer. It tasted like pennies in the gutter, but she was glad she’d had it.
Her friend Julie Powell sidled up next to her, wearing a cat costume that might have been sexy on someone a little more developed. “Is Fran being all Meryl Streep at you again?”
“When isn’t she?” Crosby said. “I think we should invite, like, everyone. Screw it. Our parents are gone, why not? Frances doesn’t think I have any friends. I do.” She nodded at Julie. “We do. We do, don’t we?”
Julie nodded. “Tons of friends.”
“I want you to call everyone you know and say that the Turners are having a party and it’s a rager. Do we know someone who can get a keg?”
“Obviously. My brother will get it if you pay.”
Within a half hour, Julie had called everyone she knew and invited them. The keg was ordered. It was Yuengling. Frances knew nothing.
Frances was in the rec room dancing to a mix brought by Joey that included every belter he could burn onto one CD.
Every time Frances looked over at Crosby and Julie, who were giggling like they’d gotten one over on her, she felt seriously pissed off. Crosby was right—Frances wasn’t exactly a social butterfly either.
And since the theater group kids were always rehearsing, it’s not like any of them did anything but hang out together. Because when they weren’t rehearsing, they were just watching shows, going to shows, singing in their pajamas, practicing for no reason, playing Cranium and skipping every card that wasn’t green . . . it probably would have been nice to have social interaction outside of them. But she was so comfortable being understood.
She was in the middle of walking back and forth doing the “Waltz for Eva and Che” with Joey when the much bigger boom box from Crosby’s room was suddenly blasting from the living room upstairs. “Swing” by Savage started ticking like a bomb with just enough preamble in the beginning that it felt like a crossover from the wholesome cast album of Frances and her friends to Crosby and . . .
Frances walked upstairs.
It was the opposite of a horror movie. Instead of descending into a dark and mysterious basement, she was ascending into an unsettlingly lit upstairs that held something she knew to fear.
Cars scattered the front yard. A keg sat in a Playskool blue tub filled with ice. There were red Solo cups. Someone was standing on the counter in his high-top Nikes—which were, as was the way, super-fresh—setting up a strobe light.
A black light went up. Big speakers went up. The place was crawling with people. It was like the hallways of school but at Frances and Crosby’s home.
Frances walked through her unfamiliar house, suddenly lit blue, bright, flashing, and occupied by people who said nothing to her, and she saw nothing of her sister. At first.
Finally she found her.
She was standing there drinking from a Solo cup, looking totally at ease.
Frances’s anger raged.
She went back downstairs to find her own friends looking like deer in the headlights. The musical mix had been cut off. Their party was over. The sad foldout table of snacks just seemed pathetically wholesome now.
“I didn’t tell her she could do this,” said Frances to her friends.
Her group told her she was right.
“I’m going to tell her,” said Frances, but she didn’t; instead, she crossed her arms, bit her tongue, rolled her eyes, and angrily jerked her head in the direction of the steps for about half an hour.
When the Ying Yang Twins came on, Frances announced that she was just going to effing to do it.
“Because she can’t just get away with this,” she explained.
“She can’t, seriously, no way,” agreed Joey and Robbie.
Frances stormed upstairs to tell off her sister. She finally found her outside on the patio. It had taken just long enough to find Crosby that Frances’s ears had adjusted to the bass and the outside felt like a weird absence of sound.
Crosby stood in the yellow light near the faux-leather-covered hot tub. Ben was standing a couple feet in front of her. So he had shown up.
“Listen—” began Frances.
Crosby turned to her sister, who immediately understood that something was wrong. Crosby had been glaring at Benjamin. Frances had interrupted something between the two of them.
Benjamin shrugged and hung his head. Shook it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You must understand.”
“Just go.”
“I . . . Crosby—”
“Go!”
He shook his head again, said, “I’m sorry,” and left.
As if synchronized, the sisters looked at each other at the same second. Frances didn’t need to ask, and Crosby said, “He’s leaving, it doesn’t matter. He’s going off to school. It’s . . . whatever, yeah.”
Frances thought of a hundred different answers. Thought of hugging her. Thought of leaving her alone. Thought of saying they ought to go egg his house. Thought of telling her she deserved it. Thought of saying that of course he was leaving.
Instead, she asked, “Do you want to get rid of everyone and watch The Notebook?”
It hadn’t been easy, but within an hour, they’d gotten everyone out, decided to deal with their parents and the mess tomorrow, put the couch cushions on the living-room floor, found every blanket they could, and started watching the opening credits of The Notebook as the soft, sad piano score played.
Chapter One
Seven Years Later
The fire was huge. Almost terrifying, yet beautiful at the same time. It was one of the rites of fall here in the New York north. The crisp air was scented by drizzles of smoke from the burning leaves and white cedar in the bonfire. It was a heady fragrance, almost perfume to her senses, but also intoxicatingly appetizing. As she sat in the old wood chair in front of the wall of heat from the fire, she suddenly wanted a beer brat on a stick. And a marshmallow on a stick. And some graham crackers and chocolate. When was the last time she’d eaten? A couple of hours ago? She felt like she was starving. Was anyone else weird enough to get hungry from the smell of burning leaves?
She took a sip of her beer. Maple pumpkin ale, Billy Sharp had corrected her more than once tonight. Not just beer. He and his dad made it in their garage and took great pride in it. It wasn’t really that good. She recognized the taste of McCormick’s pumpkin pie spice and they’d put in too much of it. And there was something else, something bitter. Too much hops, maybe, though she suspected they had just used some sort of cheap flavoring. She wasn’t a huge fan of IPAs. But it was beer and it was making her feel nice and light and floaty.
Across the field, she could see her sister talking to a group of people. Gesticulating broadly, obviously telling one of her stories. She looked pretty in the glow of the fire, it had to be admitted. Her long hair looked like literal gold and she’d curled it like a Victoria’s Secret model’s. In fact, that’s what she looked like. Somehow her time at school had made her lose weight instead of gain it, like you’d expect. She was the perfect image of a movie star at the moment. The guys in the group looked pretty attentive. Her boyfriend wasn’t among them, though. He’d be pissed when he saw. He always got jealous about stupid things like this, like he was a little kid instead of the twenty-two-year-old he was supposed to be. Eh. It was better to be alone.
Another sip and she leaned her head back and looke
d at the stars. There were so many, they were almost even with the deep purple sky beyond. In the distance, beyond the field party, trees lined the horizon, one long dark silhouette against the lingering glow of the moon.
She had ambitions to move far away from this small town. Other worlds beckoned. The green hills of Ireland, where a big part of their family had come from. Or maybe the Amalfi Coast, with its gem-blue water and tart limoncello and tender pastas. The South of France, with triple-crème cheese and fresh bread, and deep ruby wine to wash it all down. She smiled to herself. It all came down to food with her. Almost always.
The fire bloomed, and the tiki torches that had been set about glowed like stars themselves. Odd. But cool. She hadn’t noticed that before. They were so pretty. She could just close her eyes and take a long nap in this beautiful setting. A long nap where she dreamed of fairies and unicorns and all the magic in the woods from the stories their father used to tell her sister and her at night when they went to bed.
She didn’t know how long she sat there but she did know she heard “Don’t get up, let me get you another one!” a few times. All at once she realized she’d had too much to drink. Way too much. She felt like she was going to get sick. She braced her hands on the armrests of the chair and tried to stand up but lost her balance and plopped back down on the wood, hard.
“Hey, you okay?”
She looked toward the voice. Oh, thank God. A familiar face. She managed a smile. “The Sharps’ beer is kind of rank. And I had a ton of it. I feel a little woozy.”
His face creased in concern. “Are you going to be sick?”
“I—I don’t know.” Her stomach swelled. “I think . . . maybe . . . so.” She tried to get up again.
“Easy, easy.” She felt his warm hand on her upper arm. “Just stand up. I’m here.”
“I don’t want to puke in front of everyone,” she said, forcing a humble smile. “I’ll never hear the end of it.”
He chuckled softly. “Like Carl Rumbowski?”
“Exactly.” She was on her feet now and walking next to him. Maybe it was the air getting clearer as they walked farther from the fire, but the nausea was ebbing. “Or that time Amanda Malone went behind the trees and peed in that clearing where everyone saw her.” She felt her own face grow warm with commiseration. “So humiliating.”